Do you currently have a best friend? Or someone you know you can depend on when times get tough, need a laugh or share a secret? If you want to find someone, most people have to wait or build years of trust, commitment and understanding before this title is given. Best friends don’t magically appear in thin air (do they?). They usually come unexpected and are built on experiences you go through together.
How do you find a best friend?
What qualities do you look for?
Most children by the age of 3-5, according to AboutOurKids.com have developed an imaginary friend. Why are imaginary friends good? Well they usually do what ever you want, never talk back and disappear upon request. They also prepare you for when a “real” friend comes a long. If you have never had a best friend, practice with an imagery friend. Best friends talk back!
Finding the Right Person
It is not easy to find someone you enjoy being around, enjoy talking to and don’t mind telling stories to. Some of these experiences, that you cherish are not meant for “just” anyone. You want to share them with people you care about (just a little bit more than everyone else). Finding the right person is often the part most people don’t understand. 1. You can’t make someone into your best friend & 2. Don’t pressure them into doing so.
I have 4 really good friends. These are people I’ve shared experiences, stories and secrets with. They understand me because we’ve gone through most of these experiences together. We’ve bonded and created a trust that is unspoken. Years of ups and downs, and experiences that relied on trust and commitment have passed, and the outcome is people who I consider “best friends”.
I didn’t go looking for these people. And they didn’t go looking for me either. I strongly believe “best friends” just happen. It isn’t something you can’t sign up for, unless you’ve seen bestfriendmatch.com, a place supposedly that allows you to find your best friend. Pretty dumb if you ask me. Either way, it is going to take a lot of work to find this individual(s).
Where do I look?
Before you go out on a wild goose chase, look right in front of you. Give someone a chance to be a part of your life. And if they aren’t exactly what you are looking for, kindly show them by giving them less information and spending less time with them. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it simply means you have other things to do, and that person “should” understand that. You have every right to pick and choose who you want to share information with, or allow to enter your life (on a personal level). Never allow anyone to pressure you into doing so.
Often people who are best friends have a variety of things in common. And sometimes they are total opposite. You can’t go walking in the park thinking you are going to find the perfect friend because you love parks. Does that make sense? No. You have to simply enjoy every encounter, and if you feel there is potential, open up a little and slowly build the trust and commitment you are looking for. WARNING: Blowing the doors off a conversation is a big no, no. What is blowing the doors off? Giving too much personal information when not needed or asked.
What Happens When I Think They Are the One
Umm. How about ask them? May sound a little silly, but why not? At least you’ll know for sure. If they haven’t popped the question, why can’t you. The worst thing they can say is no right? Some people are too perfect to ask, will you be my friend? Better yet, will you be my best friend? When you are older it is a lot more difficult. When you are younger, you have no idea what you are doing anyways, and you could care less about the results because eventually someone will (hopefully) say yes.
Slowly give information to this individual and (IF) they share back, you have potential right away. If they do not, back off a little and see what they say next. If you still see potential, ask them a question and see if they tell you a sincere answer. If they do not, maybe they need a little more time with you to open up. Or maybe they are not the right person. Note: You can’t share information and expect information to be shared back. Most people don’t operate that way. And remember, YOU are volunteering to share information, they never asked you to do so.
Take it slow, and ride it out. Be careful with your questions and see how they respond:
Sample questions you could use:
1. Do you have brothers or sisters?/Follow up question: What do they do for a living?
2. What do you like to do for fun? /Follow up question: Do you prefer to do this with friends or alone and why?
3. Who is the most important person in your life? Follow up question: Why?
Use this to get a feel for who the person is, and what they value in a person.
How do I ask a FRIEND out?
You’ve finally built a relationship with your new friend and you are bored. You want to ask them to do something and you have no idea what you want to do. Before anything, friendship stuff is never usually planned. The first 2 or 3 outings are usually organized really well between the two of you. Everything else after turns into a “your going with me right?” or “I need you to come with me”. And that is what you want it to be like. Unfortunately, you end up doing things you additionally do not want to do, but more often than not you have a good time, and your friend appreciates you a little more for coming with them.
If you are looking for ideas with your new best friend here are some options:
1. Simply hang out and watch re-runs of old television shows
2. Eat ice cream/Order food and gossip (Gossip is bad, but builds relationships)
3. Make pretend you have to go on an errand to the mall or to the grocery store
4. Help babysit a little sister/brother/or animal (dogs are cute)
5. Make pretend you need help fixing something, but have it fixed before they come, offer to stay for a cup of tea or hot chocolate
Best friends can’t be packed and delivered to your front doorstep. If you think you can turn someone into that person you are creating a fire that is going to be very difficult to put out. Give others the time to breathe and make a decision on their own. The best friends are found through experience or surprise. Some people find friends instantly and some people need time. If you honour every conversation and interaction you have with new people, you will slowly see who you want to become closer with. With that, you have to understand that everyone you feel connected with, may not necessarily feel the same way about you. Either way, that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.
Do you have another way of making friends? How do you know someone is going to be a BFF? Contact use through Twitter: @BeAwesomenow_ca or Facebook: BeAwesomenow . We’d love to hear your response!
Until next time!